Zima Slimeball

I took my first childish solo steps on the World Wide Web in the autumn of 1994. I had snuck into a Macintosh cluster in the student building on the Indiana University campus. I'm not a student anymore, but I'm not yet old enough to look out of place, so no one asks.

Fumbling around with a fast connection to a vast wealth of information, I naturally gravitated to resources relevant to my profession: the fine art of mixology. Recklessly, I stumbled from beer page to wine page, and beyond, into the world of potable oddities. And it was here that I found an entire page of mixed drinks, all incorporating that most unique of American marketing phenomena, ZIMA.

I copied this file of ZIMA drink recipes to my own disk, a trophy of sorts from my first day giggin' around the Web. And, eventually, I put my valuable information resource to good use.

In honor of my admiration for the minds behind ZIMA, I mixed the ZIMA SLIMEBALL. It was sunny outside when I mixed this drink, so I decided to mix it in the street (on the curb, actually). All ingredients were simulated, mind you; after all, drinking in public is sinful and illegal.

1 packet Lime Jell-O
1 bottle Zima

The process was simple: I emptied a box of pre-sweetened lime jello in a pint glass, then topped it off with ZIMA.

The result was a shockingly sweet, pasty beverage which left me with a stinging, citrusy aftertaste and a green tongue.

I would recommend this drink to anyone who likes ZIMA. In my opinion, it's a marked improvement on the original product.

B: Back in 1995, we found what we believed to be the Zima homepage on the World Wide Web. We thought it was a great embarrassment to the Coors Brewing Company, makers of Zima, as it bragged about how Zima was “trendy” and suitable for “inexperienced drinkers.” It also listed all manner of horrible recipes such as the Zima Slimeball, which we thought would be perfect for our debut show on the Internet.

Little did we realize that we had fallen prey to a prank, a clever parody contrived by one Ian McFarland. The fact that we'd been duped didn't dawn on us until we were actually videotaping the Zima Slimeball for ROX #85. Of course, that just added a good ironic twist to the whole segment.

The Zima parody page is long gone from the Internet, alas, but we cherish its memory. Ian, wherever you are, this one's for you.